What’s one thing you wish people knew about grief?

The response was incredible- so many people shared their experiences, stories and advice. In this blog, we’ve compiled some of the answers being shared. We hope that these comments can help show that, though everyone’s grief is unique, you are not alone.

That there is no one way to grieve. We’re all different while at the same time grief is universal.
– Ruth, Instagram

Best intentions, but I wish they knew that they don’t have to fix it, that it’s not a problem to be solved and can never be made right. Simply being there for you, showing patience, listening without intending to reply and offering comfort when it’s wanted, free from judgement. It’s hard to grieve when the world and those with the best intentions keep saying you should be over it, you need to move on or tell you how you should feel. Like any major life change, it takes time to adjust, and that times not the same for everyone. It’s one day at a time.
– Gerry, Facebook

To educate them not to skirt around questions. Or cross over the road when they see you because they don’t know what to say. It’s hard enough dealing with losing someone then having friends or family /neighbours make it worse by blanking you. Grief is a slow process this will be my second Xmas without my mum and it hurts more now than ever before.
– Kirsty, Facebook

That the person who died was a whole person, good and bad. And should be discussed as such. Death doesn’t make someone a singular saint or sinner.
– Fern, Instagram

That it comes and goes and sometimes it is so strong you can hardly breath or put one foot in front of the other and other times you can be doing okay. The other part to it is that you can’t necessarily see it and you might smile but really be hurting inside.
– John, Facebook

People think that grief slowly gets smaller with time. In reality, grief stays the same size but slowly life begins to grow bigger around it.
– Nicola, Facebook

We grieve for different people, ie human family and pet family , this doesn’t mean pets are less. Sometimes I feel I cannot tell people about my loss as they say it’s only a pet.
– Sarah, Instagram

That having a broken relationship in life doesn’t mean you have no right to grieve. My mum and I didn’t speak for the last 10 years of her life. This makes people think that her death shouldn’t affect me. It does. And it hurts every day.
– Rowan, Facebook

That you really want to pick up the phone and talk to your friends about it, but it’s easier said than done.
– Rebecca, Instagram

You are not being weak or letting yourself down. You are just being a normal, loving, caring human being.
– David, Facebook

That it makes brain to rewire itself and therefore it causes brain fog, lack of focus and lack of patience. It takes up mental energy, therefore you never start the day with 100%, part of energy is always taken up with grief. So it is very important to pace yourself, do less and care for yourself more.
– Lin, Facebook

That we want to talk about those who died to try and keep their memory alive, so please don’t try and change the conversation or sweep it under the rug.
– Kay, Instagram

Just because you have known grief, doesn’t mean you know what it will be like the next time you lose someone, even if your relationship is just as close, special and important. It is affected by so many factors. And know you are not in control of this and you may feel like someone else entirely.
– Kristy, Facebook

That it is ok to enjoy yourself once in a while and to not feel guilty for doing so.
– Helen, Facebook

That for some people it helps to talk and Cruse Bereavement Support is there to help. No matter what you need to say, their volunteers will listen in confidence and understand your pain. You need never feel alone in your grief.
– Stephanie, Facebook