Supporting a bereaved colleague
When someone at work has been bereaved it can be difficult to know how to react and what to do or say.
What to say to a bereaved friend or colleague at work
Many people worry about saying the wrong thing when a colleague is bereaved. People also worry about upsetting someone at work by reminding them of personal sadness when they are trying to work.
Everyone is different, but most people appreciate someone telling them how sorry they are. It’s more common to hear that people have been hurt by no-one mentioning what has happened.
It will usually be clear if someone doesn’t want to talk, so take your lead from them.
I’ve never forgotten the acts of kindness. They knew what was needed when I couldn’t even think.
When you first hear the news
When you hear that a colleague’s friend or relative has died it is best to just say something simple such as ‘I’m so sorry’.
Sometimes you may hear the news when someone is already on leave. Depending on your relationship you might want to send them a message, card or letter, or ask your bosses if they are sending one on everyone’s behalf.
Be careful about sharing too much information with others, or asking for details that the person might not like to be widely known.
Read some more suggestions on what you can say when someone has died.
I found it so difficult at the time that my world had flipped 180, it had completely changed yet everyone was still going about their everyday lives as usual.
Grief at work
Grief is different for everyone, and there is no set time for getting over a bereavement. Grief can affect someone physically as well as emotionally, and it can cause anxiety, and problems with concentration.
Some people find that on some days or weeks they are fine, and then it hits them again with full force.
Some days I would have welcomed the distraction of work and some days it was too tough.
What you can do
It can help to remember that even after months or years have passed the person might be struggling. If you can be supportive during those times, it can be a great help.
People often also find it helpful when people remember the times that might be difficult, such as birthdays, holidays and Christmas. Just saying something at those times to show you remember can be very comforting.
My friend, even after 14 months still invites me for a drink every Friday after work even though I’ve only gone maybe five or six times and then only for an hour or so. Her perseverance and kindness means so much
What your organisation can do
If your organisation has a bereavement policy, you could take a look, and suggest your colleague has a look if appropriate. If there isn’t a policy, it might be a good time to suggest to your manager or to a HR department that they should develop one.
There are many benefits to being a compassionate employer. Most of us will experience a bereavement at some point in our lives, and we will be more likely to cope and continue to work for an organisation that is supportive.
If you think your workplace needs some more help you could suggest getting some training for managers and staff. For example Cruse offers Grief First Aid training which can help everyone understand more about grief and how to support each other in the workplace. We can also help organisations develop bereavement polices and good practice.
Find out more
Read more about what to say when someone dies
Read about what can help someone returning to work after a bereavement
If you are a boss or employer read about what to do when an employee is bereaved
Find out more about the effects of grief and what can help in our pages on Understanding grief